What the hell happened to me, man?

I mean, like, what the hell is this shit?

I make some stupid blog post in 2018¬†saying how happy and thrilled I am that I’m going to get back into blogging and two whole years later and I’ve written nothing here?

APR isn’t doing too hot either. I mean, the site has been down for, like, half a year now? Has anyone even noticed? Jesus Christ. I sometimes even forget about it myself. What happened to me. I used to love this shit, and now it’s painful even thinking about opening WordPress.

So much has changed since my last post. The biggest being that I think I know what my problem is here. More on that in a second.

I’m throwing APR back up soon. Like this week or maybe this weekend at the latest. And I’m making a big change there that I didn’t think I’d make; I’m allowing submissions on the site. I’m not expecting something huge, but allowing the outside in will help me grow. Part of what made me feel like I wasn’t growing much on APR was the lack of feedback, good or bad, and the lack of people I had to bounce stuff off. If I have submissions open, maybe I’ll find like one or two people who get me and what I’m doing that I can throw ideas at and who will give me real feedback beyond “haha lmao”. Maybe they can help push me to be better and consistent, which is the big problem I’ve got.

I lack the ability to do things for the sole reason that I need to do them, not because I want to do them. I’m getting better with that. I mean, I just spent $300 I kinda don’t have on hosting for my sites (this and APR), so I better be getting better. I need to write more. I will be writing more. Here and APR. And hopefully other places too because a lot of nice people on Twitter have told me to submit to a lot of cool places and I just… haven’t.

2020 is about growth, changing habits, pushing myself, and taking risks. One of those risks is putting my thoughts out on this site, so I hope that works out alright for me.

Anyway, talk to you guys soon. Actually soon, not 2 years soon.

Oh also listen to my music on Spotify (don’t worry kings, it’s on Apple Music as well); It’s experimental and ambient – which can be seen as code for “I don’t know music theory,” but whatever it’s fun and I like it. I like the idea of cataloging my growth musically out in the open like that. Kinda like what I did with APR! I might release something soon too idk stay tuned I guess.